Introspection: Contemplation of one's own thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
Self-absorption: Preoccupation with oneself or one's own affairs.
It is good to know yourself. It is very good to know yourself, especially on multiple levels. My aim is not to have anyone stop knowing them self. Rather, my aim is to question and try to find where the good ends and where the devastation begins, both for myself and for anyone who reads this. Then, to use that knowledge for what knowledge ought to be used for, practical living. I want to know myself to the edge of good without crossing the line into emotional injury.
It is NOT good NOT to know yourself because in time you will end up getting hurt in some fashion. You will take on more responsibilities than you can handle, you will study the subjects in college that you actually hate and change your major four times (that finger is pointed at me), you will choose to get into a relationship that ends with “what was I thinking?” If you don’t know yourself how do you know what you should order for lunch? It is also good to know yourself for the sake of the future. For instance… “I know that if I hang out with those guys I will be persuaded to jump off of something big and hurt myself. Thus I will not hang out with those guys because broken arms hurt.” Beyond this obvious observation, there is also beauty in one’s personality. When people enjoy getting to know you its proof that there is something pleasurable about you that you can explore and discover (bear with me, I’m not flattering anyone or neglecting sin nature). If people don’t enjoy getting to know you, than the beauty of knowing yourself is that you can explore what people don’t like about you, (i.e. you’re a jerk) and weigh that to see if its something worth changing. However, further into the mind there lies a world of self-knowledge where pride, self-idolatry, self-hatred, second guesses, self-consciousness, and inexplicable, uncontrolled thoughts roam like dogs without leashes.
I have found that when my mind is fixed mainly on the issues in my own life, there comes about a shift towards perpetual self-focus with an inability to express to others how I feel. Slowly, with every lingering self-thought, there becomes a desire to talk about my “problems” with no satisfaction in such discussions. Self-absorption brings about a state of misery similar to lust, which cannot be fed enough. Self-pity or pity from anyone else will taste very good but will only engorge this misery and darken the path that leads out of the cave I wandered into. In time, left passively alone, it will mutate into “a deranging inability to know anymore who I am.” What went wrong? How did I slide so far? How do I get out of something so self-perpetuating?
My thoughts on introspection and self-absorption begin with sin and the complete view of the self. As I have said it is good to know yourself, and I mean all of the self. You have to know your weaknesses as well as the your strengths. Why? Well, ever pick up something too big and hurt yourself? Know your limits and where you can be pushed. You have to see the ugly and the beautiful. Unfortunately, though, there is no beauty; there is no beauty in sin nature that is. I’m not assaulting the characteristics of personality that we all find warm and inviting, but rather the nature of our being. “There is none who does good, there is not even one.” (Romans 3:10-12) At the time of Noah “The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” (Genesis 6:5) Paul notes “nothing good lives in [us]…” (Romans 7:18) Even the most gentle spirited, elderly, librarian woman has inside of her a wicked heart seeping with dark thoughts. To top it off Jeremiah 17 speak directly to the heart’s condition stating that “the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure…”
So as not to contradict my initial statement, (it is a good thing to know oneself) and for the sake of biblical balance, it is also important to note that Proverbs 4:23 warns to guard your heart “for it is the wellspring of life.” Additionally, Psalm 4:4 gives what I consider to be biblical mandate for introspection by telling us to “search [our] hearts and be silent.” Dark as we are, the bible tells us to search ourselves. Knowing how black your heart is not a bad thing. John Piper stresses that not only is it good to know our sin, but that there is “a great self-destruction that comes from not experiencing the self-devastation of knowing our sin. There is an eternal loss that comes from not losing our pride in the knowledge of our sin.”
If it is true that our hearts are seeping with blackness and as Paul says “nothing good dwells in [us],” (Romans 7:18) what should we expect when we open the pages of our hearts and mull over what we find inside? Is it hard to guess what will be revealed when the gaze of my soul looks upon a wicked creature lusting for evil perpetually?
All that being said, I have found that I ought to be reflective and know myself; it is right to search my heart and be silent. I want to explore the depths of me to see what this inner man is really like, but in doing so, there is a need to beware of the trap of self-absorption disguised as introspection that may seem good and even noble. What begins as a “searching introspection for the sake of holiness, and humility,” without careful guidance can quickly become at best self-idolatry, and at times a “carnival of mirrors in your soul.” (Piper)
To go beyond the text and draw my own inferences from “it is better to give than to receive,” I believe that the idea here is that forgetting the self and concerning the mind with another is better, or more pleasing. We all know this; we’ve all felt it. The little boy is always excited to bring home the picture he drew in art class for his mom. I venture to say that even beyond this simple example the truth holds, and the soul is more satisfied when it looks away from itself and sees “the furs and the rabbits, the streams and the trout, the fur trees and the squirrels, the primroses and the violets, the farmyard, the new mown hay, and the fragrant hops.” (Spurgeon)
The idea behind this blog entry is simply “Don’t become so introspective, so self-absorbed, that you can’t see the sun rise, or you can’t see a squirrel between classes, or you can’t see a gnarled, old, dark tree with no leaves on it and wonder how could it ever live again?” Everything beautiful in this universe is a parable of God. All natural beauty is an echo of the God that created it (Piper); let it floor your craving and longing for beauty so that when you stop looking in the mirror and open the Word you there find that craving satisfied. While it is always good to know yourself, it is always better to know Christ.
One last thought: “…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8) Notice that the self is not included on that list?
